| | Reviews: | | | bhb | 7th April 2005 | 8/10 | | | It was short but sweet, i enjoyed the ending alot. | | | | 7th April 2005 | 8/10 | | | wow a very interisting end (dont like cliff hangars and it also involved a cliff how interesting) anyway looking foward to your next series | | | Greykitty | 7th April 2005 | 4/10 | | | It's a nice idea for a story, but I think it jumps around too much, and the scenes aren't long enough. Try expanding on this. It is a nice idea. :) | | | | 8th April 2005 | 5/10 | | | Well, I enjoyed your character and the plotline, and the ending is rather unique. However, some pieces of advice I'd give to you for your next fanfics is to try to stick with a few scenes and have more detailed development rather than multiple scenes where few events occur. Also, dialogue between characters could be a little bit longer rather than just one line, so readers could get a better feeling for them. I'd also make the stories a little bit longer in length, since (usually, but not all the time) in general, the longer they are, the more development occurs and as a result, readers get a better understanding for the work. I look forward to your next fanfics. | | | redwolf03 | 9th April 2005 | 8/10 | | | I won't rate it on the shortness, I think you've got enough comments on that. I think the story had problems that had too-easy solutions. I mean, Balto got kicked out. Coincidentally, he could go back in and find the keys(?!). I think it should have been a bit more complicated than that. Is Pet gonna die? The ending didn't sound too promising. | | | | 11th April 2005 | [comment] | | | Thanks everybody, I'll keep all of this in mind for my new series.
Redwolf03, what do you mean by 'Is Pet gonna die?' You should probably read the ending again... | | | Beo | 12th April 2005 | 2/10 | | | I'm sorry, wolfdogwhitefang, but i have to say that your entire series needed a great amount of improvement before you thought of submitting it to the public. Like many have said, the scenes jump from place to place at such a rapid speed that it is hard to even get an idea of the surroundings before you pull the story to another scene, like being rushed through an exhibit you want to see before being shoved into another, completely different area. I have to say that the dialogue is quite chopped up and nonsensical, as well. Some of the exchanges between characters just made me raise my eyebrow at the screen, boggled at what you were attempting to get the reader to understand sometimes. The dialogue in general felt as stiff and unemotional as a piece of wood sometimes. I was never able to shrug of these issues and enter the world you were trying to create. You may be able to understand and comprehend it perfectly, but that doesn't always mean everyone else will.
I highly recommend that you read more books, magazines, etc.. However, after reading it one time, go through it again and truly look at it, at the words the author puts on the page and how he describes the environment, characters, and the like. Examine how the people he has created speak and how their speech reflects their personality. Also, after you create another story, set it aside for a few weeks and do something else that isn't related to it. Then come back and reread it through. Proofreading is a great tool and skill for an author. If there's a part you think you can do better with, then FIX it. Don't quickly scroll through it with an eye-roll or whatever, but investigate every single word, every single letter on the pages, not only for misspellings, but for ways to add more detail or to continue ideas to an acceptable level.
I hope your skills will improve in the future, and i don't intend to sound harsh, but if you wish to display your works to others besides those who are a fan of the subject to begin with, check and double-check your step, otherwise you will end up possibly being humiliated by the people you were attempting to entertain.
I wish you luck and good writing in the future,
Beo | | | redwolf03 | 23rd April 2005 | [comment] | | | I put that question because at the end it sounded like you're giving Pet her death sentence. I mean, "tumbling to the fiery depths below"? To me, that definitely sounds like a death sentence. | | | | 25th April 2005 | [comment] | | | Beo, I apprieciate it, but I have completely different opinions about my work than other people. When I proofread Part Three, for example, I thought everybody would hate it, but I was ready for a new series, and wanted to experiment with deaths and people's reactions. People loved it. I, therefore, can't go by my opinions. And, as for getting others to read it and tell me what they think, there's nobody to do so. My best friend is hard to even get to read it in the first place, and when she does, she says it's good when its obviosly bad, and sometimes she wants to take over or gets mad at me for using her characters without her pemission when she doesn't even have internet. My other friend is the same way. I don't have any close friends who will tell me the truth, and, as for family, I have a cousin who hates to read and a cousin that thinks the book 'A Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' is intresting. [No offense to the people who like that book.] My mom will love anything I do or will not be interested, as usual. My dad will think it's ridiculous, and I'd eat my shirt before I asked my [evil] stepmother. My stepdad is the same as my mom. Everybody else doesn't care. There's really nothing I can do, except work on my own. |
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| | Reviews: | | | redwolf03 | 10th March 2005 | 8/10 | | | It was OK. I'd say you need more action, but I guess it's going to get more exciting in Part 2 with the big fight and all. I'm starting my own series (see below), so I wish you good luck with yours! | | | bhb | 11th March 2005 | 7/10 | | | It was ok, i felt the story was a little loose. Your grammer was great, [unlike my second fanfic, i let it loose too fast]. | | | | 31st March 2005 | 10/10 | | | it was good and i look foward to the second part just hope its not as short( no offence) | | | | 31st March 2005 | [comment] | | | Kyle, I'm gonna try to mak it longer, but, I make my fanfics longer a little at a time.
Redwolf03, I wish you luck with your series too. I would also like to add that I have already written the chapter that includes the big fight, so I am ready to finish it and make part three.
Bhb, I'm trying to make Part Two a little less loose, but, as I told Kyle, I improve a little at a time, if any. I'll try though! Also, in the next one I'm gonna try and make the mystery characters talk with accents. Probably cun-try.(LOL)
I forgot my password, so I'll stay un-logged in for a while. | | | whitewolf27 | 31st March 2005 | 9/10 | | | I thought it was really good! but, it was a little bit 2 short. I really hope in part 2 there's a lot of action. otherwise I thought it was awesome! |
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